Thoughts Afar Off

The Lord's presence throughout my life

Change of Habits

Catalyst

Recently I had an experience that served as a catalyst for change in my behavioral habits at home. I took a position with a home care company where I provided non-medical care to elderly clients. Although this was an experience that deeply impacted me emotionally, it was not the right line of work for me in other ways. One of my biggest take-aways from the job was that I saw firsthand great examples of orderly households. In comparison to my own, I had a lot of room for reflection.

I struggle with clutter, laundry, and the inability to purge items. My grandmother was a hoarder and I believe I inherited that particular gene. When my children were younger I always felt “behind”; overwhelmed with a sense of drowning in the “things” of daily life, such as papers from school and the ever-present kitchen chaos. Our kitchen was a source of contention in our marriage: though I cooked the meals, my husband was tasked with cleaning up after me. It seemed like climbing a fourteener to clean up after a meal, let alone regularly keep a tidy kitchen. I had always worked at least one full time job, and at times, two jobs. Thus, coming home in the evening didn’t lend itself to keeping an orderly home as well as and performing the evening family requirements for a young family. Our home lacked peace in those days.

God leads

While I feel deeply that the Lord brought me to this caregiving job, I had very high levels of anxiety throughout the week and especially the day and night before each shift. I wrestled with God, and pleaded daily for Him to close this door if it was according to His will.  I worked for a few months, begging God along the way, until I sensed an absence of this anxiety. See, there were certain aspects of the job that I felt incredibly uncomfortable with, such as the personal care tasks. I wasn’t comfortable with changing someone’s undergarments or bathing and toileting. But the Lord only puts things in front of us that He knows we can handle. I never once had to do a sponge bath, and I didn’t change any adult diapers. I think because I am such a private and sensitive person, these were boundaries that I couldn’t bring myself to cross with someone else.

God shows

After a particularly easy and quiet shift, I had resolved to resign my position as a caregiver. I submitted my resignation email to my superiors, and immediately felt a sense of peace. I was shown how peace in a home can be achieved by participating in these orderly households. My entire married life, which also coincides with being a parent, I struggled with keeping an organized and clutter-free home. As they say, habits are formed in two weeks, and working this caregiving job gave me the examples I needed to make changes in my own home. Several months ago, I prayed to God that He would help me with my home, and the clutter. He gave me this caregiving opportunity to show me several examples. I can proudly say now that I keep a tidy kitchen, my home is peaceful, and I am able to receive unannounced guests without shame. The Lord will answer prayers, in ways we may never expect.